To Post or Not To Post… The College Decision
My second and last child just went through the college decision process and has made her transition to her school of choice. Going through this as a mother compared to my more frequent vantage point as a therapist, I was more acutely aware of all the subtle factors influencing her choice: major, location, weather, friends’ opinions, social scene, prestige, grants and Greek life. My daughter had some great choices, and some disappointments as well. I encouraged her to find the right path for HER, not anyone else. I encouraged her to pick the college that feels right for HER, not the one with the best reputation. But to be frank, despite my worries about influences and managing all of the new social and academic responsibilities, I do believe she will find her way anywhere. Not because of the school she chooses, but because she is resilient.
As a therapist, I’ve seen many clients feel unnecessary pressure to attend a parent’s alma mater or pick a particular school because of reputation, rather than a program that matches their goals. I’ve worked with a valedictorian that didn’t get into her school of choice and was disappointed for having to attend a school that most local students dream of attending. I’ve worked with well-performing students that attend a reputable school, only to have to go on medical leave due to stress and return home to prioritize mental health challenges. These kids recalibrate and end up on a path that is successful for them.
I did not post a photo of my kid with a “college of choice” sweatshirt at decision time. With posts, I end up feeling that I’m contributing to overly simplistic comparisons and a whittling down of what is a complex amalgamation of many beautiful and difficult decisions for each student. No college name or reputation will make or break my daughter or my son. No college name or reputation really made or broke any of my clients. Sure, some students will be judged for declining one school over another, but each student, given the opportunity, time and struggle to make the choice without pressure, builds confidence. It is a privilege and important developmental step to make a decision for your transition to adulthood, whether that be a gap year, local college, study abroad or trade school.
When my daughter or son post about their college choices, I’ll be first in line to hit that ‘like’ button and make an encouraging comment. I will be liking THEIR choices. I encourage all of us adults to offer support for our students learning resilience in this next step.